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Newcastle value Isak’s left shin at £100m as Arsenal plot January bid

Stephen Large

Football News

8mo ago

Arsenal have been told that their proposed £100m bid for Newcastle’s Alexander Isak would just about cover the cost of the in-form striker’s left shin bone.

The Gunners have identified the in-form Swede as their No1 target in the January transfer window as their woes in front of goal continue.

However, Newcastle chiefs claim Arsenal’s reported £100m offer would only meet their valuation of Isak’s tibia.

‘They’re having a laugh’, Toon chairman Yasir Al-Rumayyan told Paddy Power News.

‘£100m? Why don’t they throw in Kai Havertz as part of the deal, and they can have Isak’s right earlobe too?

Twelve goals since December ✅
Six consecutive Premier League wins for Newcastle ✅

Alexander Isak is a VERY happy man! 👏#NUFC #NEWWOL pic.twitter.com/2xchxLiUGH

— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) January 15, 2025

‘I think they’ve been watching too much AFTV. “Get a bid in, fam. My sources say he’d walk across broken glass to play for Arsenal”. Top banter, lads’, laughed the Saudi businessman.

In related news, Newcastle have announced they are renaming Shearer’s Bar at St James’ Park to Isak’s Krog after the Swedish striker became only the 4th player in Premier League history to score in 8 consecutive games.

‘Krog is the Swedish word for pub’, explained Al-Rumayyan.

‘All the bar stools have been sourced from IKEA.’

‘We’ve poured all the Newcastle Brown Ale down the sink, and we’ll only be serving Kopparberg cider moving forward’, he revealed.

Meanwhile, Arsenal have announced that Elton John will sing a special rendition of Candle in the Wind before their next home game against Aston Villa.

It follows their decision to pay tribute to injured striker Gabriel Jesus ahead of the North London derby by wearing shirts with his name on and revealing a mural outside the Emirates Stadium.

However, the club have so far refused to be drawn on rumours Bob Geldof and Bono are planning to re-release their single ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ in aid of the crocked Brazilian.

*Paddy Power News’s footy news is pure fantasy – don’t believe it for a second