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Premier League give Everton points back after Dyche sacking

Stephen Large

Football News

6 months ago

After the club’s decision to sack manager Sean Dyche, the Premier League has rescinded all the points they deducted from Everton.

Everton were docked a total of eight points after an independent commission found that the club had breached its profit and sustainability rules on two separate occasions.

However, the commission reversed its decision as a goodwill gesture towards Everton’s beleaguered supporters who were subjected to almost two years of ‘Dyche-ball’.

The Toffees, who sat 16th in the Premier League, were just one point above the relegation zone.

The points injection propels the Merseysiders into 12th position ahead of banter clubs Tottenham and Manchester United.

‘To say sorry for heaping further misery on Everton, we’re giving them their points back’, a Premier League spokesperson told Paddy Power News.

‘The lads were discussing it last night, and we just felt that any club subjected to two years of GM Vauxhall Dyche-ball has suffered enough.

‘It’s the Burnley fans we feel it for the most. Serious discussions are ongoing about reinstating their Premier League status. 10 years. The poor b******s’.

Sean Dyche, Everton manager, july 2024 (edited size)

Meanwhile, Dyche expressed his disappointment after being relieved of his duties just hours before Everton were due to host League One side Peterborough in the third round of the FA Cup.

‘It’s shame. The temperatures are really starting to plummet, and it would have been another opportunity for me to stand on the touchline looking hard as f*** in just a shirt and tie’, the 53-year-old told Paddy Power News.

‘If it had started to snow tonight, I was going to wear shorts and t-shirt. And none of those woke knee length numbers you see these days. Proper 80s football shorts, with my frozen ginger balls hanging out the side’.

Reflecting on his two-year stint in the Goodison dugout, the former Chesterfield defender said:

‘I managed about 80 games for Everton, roughly speaking’.

In related news, after two years of negative football under Dyche, Everton fans will be pleased to know that David Moyes is being lined up as his replacement.